2025-05-23

International marriages are becoming more and more common in Japan. However, the difficulty of convincing parents to get married has not changed. Here, we explain how to persuade parents who are opposed to international marriage.

The Reality of National Marriage

Recently in Japan, the number of marriages itself has been decreasing, while international marriages have remained flat.

The number of “marriages between Japanese nationals” in 2009 was approximately 673,000 couples, but by 2018 this number had decreased to approximately 564,000 couples. This is a decrease of about 17%. On the other hand, the number of “international marriages” in 2009 was about 34,000 couples, but in 2018 it was about 21,000 couples. Although this number is also decreasing, international marriages accounted for about 3.5% of the total number of marriages in 2018.

Thus, international marriages are not uncommon in Japan today.

What are the main reasons why parents are against it?

While international marriages are no longer uncommon, there is one figure that is of concern. That is the divorce rate.

One often hears the saying, “One-third of married couples get divorced. This is also reflected in the figures, which show that the divorce rate for Japanese married couples is approximately 34.9%. On the other hand, the divorce rate for internationally married couples is approximately 50.5%.

Although it is difficult to make a general statement about the divorce of married couples because of individual circumstances, the difficulty of international marriage may be understood in light of the most common reason for divorce, “difference in values.

The difficulty of international marriages is largely due to the “difference in values” caused by differences in language and culture. If a Japanese woman expresses her desire to marry a man of foreign nationality, she is likely to be opposed to the idea because of the “difference in values” explained above.

Also, the issue of “nationality” may not be ignored. Apart from parents who have a very liberal viewpoint, many parents are concerned about the fact that the partner is a “foreign national” rather than a Japanese national. This is not because of prejudice against foreign nationals, but rather because of confusion over the prospect of a foreign national joining their family.

How should we deal with this?

What should we do if we are opposed to an international marriage? Let us consider how to deal with this situation.

The first is to have your parents meet the person you are going to marry. By actually meeting them and having them talk to you, you should be able to resolve the issues of “difference in values” and “nationality,” which are concerns of your parents. However, it is unlikely that their opposition will immediately change to approval after just one meeting, so be prepared to meet with them more than once to gradually persuade them.

The second is your future livelihood. One of the concerns of parents when their children marry internationally is what their future life will be like. Try to explain this as concretely as possible. For example, where (in which country) you will live after marriage, how often you will return home if you live abroad, what your children’s nationality will be, etc.

Third, if they object, give it some time. As I explained earlier, many parents will first feel “perplexed” when their children ask them to marry internationally. If you take your child to see his/her parents and they are opposed to the idea, you may try to persuade them, but both parties will become emotionally involved, and it will be difficult to find a point of agreement. In this case, try to explain patiently that you are both seriously thinking about marriage by allowing a cooling-off period.

Conclusion

Many parents are opposed to their children’s desire to marry internationally because of “differences in values” or “nationality issues. Many may come out of “confusion,” but in any case, it is important to take time to persuade them without being hasty.