For Those Considering an International Marriage: What to Do If Your Marriage Is Opposed Due to Nationality?
Recently, more people in Japan are entering international marriages. However, the difficulty Japanese spouses face in persuading their parents remains unchanged. Here, we explain what to do and how to handle situations where your marriage is opposed due to nationality.
The Reality of International Marriage
While the total number of marriages in Japan is declining, international marriages have remained relatively stable.
In 2009, there were approximately 673,000 marriages between Japanese nationals. However, by 2018, this number had dropped to about 564,000—a decrease of over 100,000 couples, representing a roughly 17% decline. Conversely, international marriages numbered about 34,000 in 2009 and reached approximately 21,000 in 2018. While international marriages accounted for about 0.5% of all marriages in 2009, this proportion increased to about 3.5% in 2018.
As shown above, international marriages in Japan are by no means uncommon today.
Why do parents oppose them?
Regarding divorce rates for international marriages, the following figures exist:
The divorce rate for couples married between Japanese nationals is approximately 34.9%. However, the divorce rate for couples in international marriages is approximately 50.5%. Furthermore, the most common reason for divorce is “differences in values,” which also applies to international marriages.
Even if a Japanese person expresses their desire to marry someone of foreign nationality, it is not uncommon for Japanese parents to oppose it, citing “differences in values” as the reason.
Furthermore, the issue of “nationality” arises. The reason many parents oppose or worry is because the partner is not Japanese but holds “foreign nationality.” This point may stem less from prejudice against nationality and more from a kind of “unease” about having someone of foreign nationality join their family.
What if they oppose it?
What should you do if your parents oppose the marriage due to nationality?
First, arrange for your parents to actually meet your partner. Meeting and talking directly should help alleviate some of their concerns about “differences in values” and “nationality.” Keep in mind that a single meeting rarely leads to immediate approval. Create multiple opportunities for them to meet and gradually persuade them.
Second, explain your future life plans. When considering an international marriage, parents often worry about “how you will live going forward.” Discuss this with your partner and provide your parents with as concrete an explanation as possible. For example, where you will establish your residence after marriage, how often you plan to return to Japan if living abroad, and what nationality any children born will have.
Third, if they oppose the marriage, give it some time. When a child announces plans for an international marriage, many parents first feel bewildered. Furthermore, if the parents meet the partner and oppose the marriage, attempting to force persuasion can lead to emotional arguments, pushing a resolution further away. In such cases, immediate agreement is unlikely. Therefore, take a cooling-off period and use that time to seriously explain your commitment to the marriage.
Summary
When their child expresses a desire for an international marriage, many parents oppose it or are slow to give their consent, citing “differences in values” or “nationality issues.” I believe this stems largely from their own confusion. Regardless, it’s crucial to take your time and persuade them patiently, without rushing.
